In 2002, we carried out a demonstration for our 10-year anniversary, which was a milestone. It was time to evaluate our achievement, the positive and the negative and to set new goals for the next 10 years.
But the year that followed, in 2003, I suffered two major personal blows. My niece Elena had been sick for a long time and was very close to my son Eric. They loved each other and even shared clothes as they had grown up together. They were both first born and shared a close bond. But for a long time, my son did not see his cousin at the Amani compound because she was too sick to visit. When she was taken to the village, he knew something was going on. On the night between the 9th and 10th of April, news broke that his cousin had died. On the evening of the 10th, the youth at the Amani compound were having a night vigil, singing solemn hymns in memory of Elena and he participated fully. Later on he felt sleepy so the youth escorted him to his room. The morning of the 11th, the caretaker went to his room. Being a young girl, she could not understand the condition Eric was in. I was not at the centre that night. After asking a nurse who was a neighbor to come examine him, she pronounced Eric had dyed 3 or 4 hours earlier. The whole family was in the village mourning the death of Elena and the afternoon before he passed away, was when they buried her. So at 12 noon, on the 11th, is when news broke at the village that Eric had dyed as well. This shocked the family members, the village community and for me, I was almost tong tied because he was the most healthy community member at Amani despite his disability. I think at the moment when he dyed, I was dreaming that 2 walls at the Amani centre had collapsed. So the following day at 12 when we received the message, I told the community I am sure when he was dying I had a dream of a wall falling apart and thinking how will I manage to repair this wall. To this day I cannot bare the thought that he dyed in my absence. The youth at the centre did not know how he felt, or how to really understand how to help him. After the news, Uncle Toni, his wife, some family members prepared the body and came back. The following morning of the 12th of April, he was buried. So this was a big sad event for the family loosing two members in 2 days. The cousin was buried on the afternoon of the 10th and that night, my son dyed and was buried the 12th.
I was so wounded, that the whole of 2003 I could not work to my full capacity. In May I traveled to the Netherlands and thought I might forget my sadness. Fortunately enough, the organization there knew what had happened to my son. So whenever I visited, there was a moment of short mourning. Even after coming back, I could not concentrate much on writing so I depended on Uncle Toni to write short messages that I felt were important. But even in that sadness, I vowed and prayed to get much courage to serve the disabled.
That year, many positive donations happened. It was the year when we received the pick up truck from Bean Feast in Scotland, which enabled Amani to visit many disabled especially in the rural areas where the roads are rough. Also the same year, the Japanese government approved a project proposal for the construction of a multi story building. One interesting event was that the day my son Eric passed away, the landline of our Parish priest which very often was disconnected, by some twist of fate, was reconnected and the first call he received was to inform him of the death of my son.
The first few years after my son passed, I could not talk of the event, but now I can speak about it as history. Now I see my second son as being the Amani project which I have dedicated my life to. That is why I don’t have a home of my own. My home is at the three centres. I enjoy going to our Mvomero centre and farm on the weekend. It’s a special place with the animals, garden and of course I love visiting the youth. You can spend time tending to the farm and do physical work which I much enjoy. When I go to Mikese, I enjoy the nature there and during farming season, to work physically with the youth.
I wish that what I am doing now will be taken over by someone who is dedicated, committed and will not use the centre as a loophole for his or her own interests. Someone who will make sure to keep contact with all the friends of Amani, the people I have been corresponding with for many years. I don’t expect that person to be like me but hope to have someone who holds the interest of the Amani centre close to his or her heart and is good with communication.
When I manage to handover the management of Amani, I would like to be an advisor for the centre’s staff. If they get stuck, I could help. This is how I see myself retiring as I still wish to remain in the community. I feel that during my time at Amani, I haven’t done as much fieldwork as my profession requires as I have focused on management and communication. I’d like to be able to stay a few days at Amani, Mvomero, Mikese and then visit the many outreach centres we have created.
My idea is that because in Tanzania there is a lack of training and trainers, there could be a group from abroad of professional that will create a partnership with Amani. We will do intensive training for the Tanzanian or the Amani staff or whoever. We could do this for all the 57 parishes in the Morogoro Diocese. This could have much impact within the Morogoro region and Tanzania. It would send out a message that at least there is a place in Tanzania where people with disabilities are cared for. This is my wish because if a number of Amani workers including the youth who live and work there get intensive training, they are the ones who will carry the sustainability of the project. The foundation is already there, but now it needs to be carried on.
To be continued...
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